In Memoriam
by Iris Johanne Black
Summary: Sometimes it's easy to forget what the fallen have done.


**A/N:** Just a small idea I had. A little bit before the game ends (but after Flynn becomes Commandant) with some reference to the First Strike movie. Reviews would be much appreciated.

**Disclaimer:** You should know by now I don't own the rights to this epic game ಠ.ಠ

* * *

In Memoriam

Sodia stood before Flynn's door, a hand raised to knock, but she hesitated. It was still rather early in the morning, even for Flynn. What if he wasn't awake yet? She didn't wish to intrude on him, though the matter was important to her. She nibbled on her bottom lip while she contemplated her decision when the clinking of armor inside confirmed that Flynn was indeed awake. She knocked.

"Commandant?" she asked, her hand perched on the door handle for when she heard the command to enter.

It took him a few minutes, but Sodia eventually heard the command, took a deep breath, and stepped inside. Just as she suspected, Flynn's eyes looked hollow, and he slouched just a touch, but he stood with his usual air of confidence. To anyone else but her - or Yuri, but she brushed that thought away - his façade of confidence would withhold. Yet she wasn't like the others; she'd known the Flynn within the knights longer than even his own squad. The only one she didn't know was the one apart from the knights, the Flynn that she'd heard only snippets of from Yuri Lowell.

"What is it, Sodia?" Flynn asked, breaking her from her thoughts.

She snapped her gaze toward him and stared dumbfounded for a second before shaking her head and saluting him. "Commandant, there is a personal matter I wish to discuss with you."

Flynn glanced at the window, and it was then that Sodia saw just a snippet of a different side to the knight's strong Commandant.

"I don't suppose it can wait until later?" Flynn asked after a moment of silence, catching Sodia unaware. "I've requested to take today off…"

What? Usually he openly expressed concern for his knights and allowed them to talk to him about anything, even if he never divulged any personal dilemmas himself. And never did he ask for a vacation day, though Ioder was probably more than happy to oblige after several failed attempts to get him to enjoy himself. Still, the Commandant wasn't acting himself and hadn't for a couple weeks now. Yet as she opened her mouth to say that her concern was a matter of urgency, she choked on the words. Emotions were never her strong suit, and she never thought everything through, so when the time came for her to confront the Commandant about himself…she just couldn't.

"I…I see. My apologies, Commandant. I hadn't realized you were off for the day, but may I request permission to ask one question?"

"Permission granted, Captain," Flynn acquiesced with a simple nod.

"If you are off duty today, then why are you wearing your armor?"

Flynn looked down at his armor like he didn't recognize it, another strange notion from the dazed Commandant. She watched his sunken eyes blink at his attire before he raised his head and laughed. Perhaps, she conjectured, he accidentally put his armor on out of habit?

"Sir?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowed in slight confusion. She didn't understand the joke.

"I'm sorry, Sodia. I'm just so used to wearing armor, I don't really think about when I put it on. Well, I suppose even if I had thought about it, I would have worn it anyway."

She wasn't usually one to pry, but…. "Have you decided what you are going to do on your day off then, sir?"

His reaction wasn't one she expected, the way he sobered immediately and cast his eyes away from her. She almost broke from her stance and took a step forward but managed to restrain herself. The man before her wasn't the same confident Commandant who started as a dog at the bottom of the knights. She could almost sense the history of the Lower Quarter in him just now, which piqued her curiosity that much more.

"I just have a few errands to run. It's nothing major," Flynn answered without conviction. "You're dismissed, Sodia."

Sodia's eyes widened from the sudden dismissal, but she didn't question it. "Y-Yes, sir!" she said, saluting again before walking out the door.

As soon as she heard it click shut behind her, Sodia leaned against the door and looked down at the floor even as a small patrol walked down the hall past her. What was that? If anything, that short meeting only confirmed her suspicions. Something was wrong with the Commandant, something he didn't wish to share with anyone. To ask for a day off was so unlike him, especially since he was the epitome of a workaholic. Could it have something to do with Lowell? The Commandant always acted differently wherever Lowell was concerned, but his demeanor just now had been different from all the times she saw those two together. The severe spacing he displayed today began about two weeks ago, however minor it may have been, and the dark circles beneath his eyes appeared about a week ago. Whatever the problem was, it was affecting the Commandant's health greatly, preventing him from sleeping well. Perhaps she should follow him for the day…make sure he didn't harm himself while completing his errands. She could ask Witcher to cover for her for the day and repay him later.

* * *

"What? No way, Sodia! Do you know how much trouble we both could get into if either of us are caught? Why do you want to skip work so bad?" Witcher protested, scowling at the contemplative girl before him.

"Witcher, please trust me when I say I can't tell you. All you need to know is it's for our Commandant."

"So why don't you just ask for a day off? Why does it have to be today?"

Sodia huffed in annoyance. "It just needs to be today. I'll repay you. Whatever it is, I'll repay you, okay? I know it's uncommon for me to ask this of you-"

"Rarer than you might think," Witcher grumbled.

"-but it's important," Sodia finished.

After an intense glaring battle, Witcher finally caved and sighed in defeat. "Fine, but if we're caught, I'm blaming you," he said as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Sodia visibly relaxed and flashed her companion a grateful smile. "That's fine. I'll compensate you later with mabo curry. How does that sound?"

From the way his expression lifted, she knew she'd won him over completely. Mabo curry was his favorite food, and she was known to be a rather decent cook. After all, anyone who served under the Commandant quickly learned the culinary art if they wanted to survive….

"Thanks again, Witcher," Sodia said before leaving the small lab the Empire provided researchers who were temporarily stationed within Zaphias.

After a bit of inquiry, Sodia discovered that the Commandant left for the Lower Quarter when she went to the lab to ask Witcher to cover for her. The Lower Quarter…. Perhaps she'd been mistaken and nothing was wrong. He just wanted to visit Lowell after all, but it would still be better for her to follow him at a distance in case something happened. While the Commandant might trust Lowell wholeheartedly, she trusted him about as far as she could throw him.

She found the two (and the dog) walking around the Lower Quarter and would have stumbled right out in front of them had their backs not been turned toward her. Scrambling behind the wall, Sodia poked her head out from behind it and watched the lax (as always) Yuri speaking avidly to a somewhat downtrodden Commandant. She couldn't discern what they were saying, which frustrated her, but she wouldn't risk getting closer. That was the unfortunate downside to armor…. Its clanging was rather distinguishable.

They were headed to the shopping district she noticed…. Now what could they possibly want there? She never pictured Lowell to be an avid shopper, especially not for flowers. Yet there they were, standing looking in the window of a flower shop. Lowell gestured to some Chrysanthemums, but the Commandant shook his head, and though he tried to look cheerful, he fooled neither her nor Lowell. However, Lowell seemed to accept this. How bizarre…. Was he not the least bit curious about the Commandant's behavior? Or did he already know what was wrong? Even if he was a criminal, Sodia had to admit that he did know more about the Commandant than she ever could, try as she may.

Still, she couldn't help but wonder what the flowers were for, if the two ever decided on what they wanted. She ran through possibilities in her head: someone close to them, like a relative or a potential girlfriend…. Each other maybe? Sodia flushed at the crazy notion. No, no they were friends; never did they act like lovers. Her imagination was running wild with dangerous conjecture, so she reeled in her thoughts and focused on the moving trio once more.

As soon as she turned around the next intersection she froze. The Commandant and the dog were there looking through the window of another shop, but where was…

"Is there a reason you're following us everywhere?" Yuri asked from behind her.

Sodia leapt from her skin and spun to face Yuri, her face contorting into that of dislike for the raven haired swordsman. She shouldn't hold such a grudge against him, not after what she'd done, but it was difficult to let sleeping dogs lie.

"Yuri Lowell," she spat, and much to her dismay he just rolled his eyes at her.

"Do you have to say my name _every time_ we see each other? It's not like I'm going to forget it anytime soon. Now then, mind telling me what Flynn's most trusted knight is doing stalking his every move?"

Sodia placed her hand on the hilt of her sword instinctively but then shook her head. No, now was not the time for a quarrel, but she wasn't about to spill her reasons to him.

"Making sure people like _you_ don't harm him," she retorted, placing her hands to her sides.

He snorted, and she knew he could see through her partial lie. "If you're worried about him, you should just say so. Well, not like it matters. If you're that curious to know then I won't stop you, but I'm not going to be the one to tell you what's been eating at him."

"So you do know!"

"What do you take me for? I'm not _that_ insensitive. Well, keep following or not, it's your decision. I'm not going to be the one to tell him you're here. I'll leave it to you to confront him…though…won't you get in trouble for neglecting your duty just so you can stalk your almighty Commandant? That could land you in the brig if what we're doing just so happens to be some top secret government mission."

Sodia rolled her eyes at the preposterous notion of Yuri Lowell _ever_ committing to accomplishing something for the Empire. Perhaps when Kogorh froze over.

"The chances of that are unlikely. I appreciate your concern (not really), but it's unwarranted."

Yuri shrugged. "If you're sure then," he said before walking off to rejoin Flynn.

"Yuri, what were you doing?" Sodia heard Flynn ask when Yuri returned.

"Sorry, Flynn. Just had to take care of an annoying cat," Yuri lied, grinning from ear to ear.

An _annoying cat_? Sodia clenched her hand in front of her as her temple throbbed in irritation. Who was he comparing to a cat? Yuri Lowell would pay for insulting her like that! Sodia seethed. Flynn raised his eyebrows at Yuri but said nothing, and for that at least Sodia was grateful. She hoped Yuri would stay true to his word and not reveal her position…. While she felt concern for the Commandant's behavior, it didn't mean she wanted to get caught.

Yet as the day drove on, Flynn became more distracted, and his shoulders slumped just _that much_ more. But _why_? Sodia didn't understand. What was there for him to dread? Not even the massive amounts of paperwork and other responsibilities on his shoulders could close in on him like this mysterious, looming...whatever it was. It irritated her to know that something was wrong with her Commandant and that Lowell didn't seem to give a damn. Couldn't he see?

It just grew worse as the day settled into early evening, and Sodia found herself becoming more impatient. She just wanted the day to be over so the Commandant could rest easy once more, so that he could resume his duties with a clear head. He seemed to be avoiding going somewhere, which resulted in the looping around to flower shops previously visited several times over. Until Yuri punched him in the arm and told him to just pick something – at least that's what Sodia assumed he said. She found herself agreeing with him for once, not that she'd ever admit to it. Flynn grinned at Yuri and scratched the back of his head before the two vanished into the very first flower shop they stopped at earlier. _Finally!_ Now maybe they were getting somewhere….

Sodia's jaw dropped when they emerged carrying bundles of flowers so large they could hardly see around them. Even the dog carried some in his mouth, and Sodia soon found herself even more confused than previously. She expected a few flowers, maybe a single bouquet…but…what did they need so _many_ for?

Sodia snuck after Yuri and the Commandant, her frown deepening the longer she walked through the busy roads. It wasn't until they reached their destination that she had half the mind to stop and gawk at the field before her….

A field of tombstones.

She suddenly felt her heart clench at the sight and felt like she intruded on a sacred rite that took place only once a year. How could she forget? The many soldiers that died that day and those whose bodies were never found…. The Great War. This whole time she wanted the Commandant to get better so that he could return to _work_. Not once did she consider just what it was that bothered him just for the sake of helping him….

The gates for the cemetery towered before her that met in an arch where the words "In Memoriam" were forever etched so that people would never forget those who fought for their country and paid the ultimate sacrifice for it. A tribute to all the lost soldiers before and after the Great War ten years ago…. So many great people sacrificed their lives for the greater good, many more whose faces would never be recovered.

Sodia watched the two men before her as they chatted and walked further into the cemetery. Never before did she feel so isolated from everyone around her, not even when she rejected her own family. With every step the Commandant took away from her, the warmth seeped from her body. Maybe she never really understood him. Who was that person beneath the knightly visage? Who was he _really_? The more she observed him and Yuri placing flowers on the graves of the deceased, the more she questioned herself and the more she realized how little she actually knew.

But it still didn't answer the question as to why the Commandant had been so stressed up until now. What the three of them were doing was an honorable courtesy, placing flowers on each and every grave that existed. There were so many, but there they went, plucking a flower from a bouquet and setting it on the cold stones, some already with flowers…and others without. Maybe she never understood her Commandant, but now Sodia knew she never really understood that mysterious shadow known as Yuri Lowell. She once threw all her misplaced anger at him when she was really just ticked that a criminal could do that which the knights could not. That and his ability to crawl under the Commandant's skin and ruffle his feathers in a way she'd never seen before.

Sodia was jarred from her thoughts when the trio halted before a single tombstone, their flowers depleted to a scant few. Yuri reached down and scratched behind Repede's ear before he shot her a quick glance and turned away from Flynn. She knew a cue when she saw one, but her feet wouldn't move, even as the raven haired individual and his dog strutted off.

"Gonna go say hi to Captain Fedrok," he said to Flynn, just within earshot of her.

Flynn hardly acknowledged him.

It was then that Sodia realized why the Commandant was so apprehensive up until now. That tombstone spoke volumes to her even before she had the chance to see whose it was. She almost approached Flynn, but the way he clenched his hands into shaking fists was enough for pause. Was this the reason he dreaded coming here…?

Sodia took a step toward Flynn while she chewed on her lower lip again out of habit. She wasn't supposed to be here, and she doubted she was really welcome. But she wanted to know whose tombstone riled up the Commandant so much. So she took another step forward.

And another.

And another until she stood next to the Commandant. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye, absorbing the image of his contorted face into a mix of sorrow and anger the likes of which she'd never seen before, which included the few times she saw him chewing Lowell out. Golden locks covered his eyes, making it impossible to discern just what sort of thoughts ran through his head. As much as she wanted to say something to him, she found she couldn't once again, so she remained silent, looking down at the tombstone with the name of – presumably – his father wiped nearly clean from age. Funny though, it didn't really look that old.

"When I was a kid my father was sent off to war, since he was a soldier in the knights," Flynn said, his voice hollow.

Sodia clenched her mouth shut to listen to what Flynn had to say. Prying would only clam him up.

"He went against orders in order to protect the people he loved and died for it. I used to hate him for it to be honest."

Hate? He hated his father? Sodia continued to stare at the tombstone, questions burning through her mind. She wouldn't ask them, not until he finished what he had to say.

"When I joined the knights, I wanted to prove that I was nothing like him, that I could surpass him and that I would do so by following orders. I always thought that he left nothing behind, and that once you were dead that was the end of it. As a result of my beliefs, I got angry at those who mentioned him. Yuri was the worst when he talked about how he looked up to him, and it resulted in a bunch of needless fights."

Flynn fell into a short silence while Sodia contemplated what he'd just revealed. She never knew how Flynn personally felt toward his father. For once he was not Commandant of the Imperial Knights. He was just Flynn Scifo, a man struggling to accept his past.

"There was a short time when Yuri was in the knights. Surprising, isn't it?" he asked, though he didn't look at her. He still somehow knew that her eyes widened in shock. "We were both stationed at a town called Shizontania under Captain Fedrok. The captain also died from disobeying orders even though he saved the townspeople…. At his funeral, Yuri told me that the captain hadn't left nothing behind, just as my father hadn't. He left the lives of the people he saved…."

Sodia glanced behind her as she discovered a newfound respect for Yuri Lowell. She'd underestimated him….

"That was two years ago," Flynn whispered. "Is it sad to think that it took me two years to confront the ghosts of my past?"

Sodia shook her head. "No, sir," she whispered. "I believe that something of this magnitude would take time…."

Flynn heaved a great sigh and said, "I suppose you're right."

"Permission to speak freely, sir?" Sodia asked.

"Permission granted," Flynn said.

Well, here went nothing. "I believe your father would be proud of your accomplishments, sir. You've worked hard to come this far despite the hardships, and you'll only go farther. The knights have changed since you became Commandant, sir. It may not mean much coming from me, but if my son were to become a leader of the knights through righteousness, I could at least rest easy and know that I did not sacrifice myself in vain. Sir."

Flynn blinked at her and considered her thoughts while she stood awkwardly next to him. She cast him another sideways glance, flushed from embarrassment, and directed her attention elsewhere. Maybe she'd spoken out of turn after all, but what could she say if not the truth?

"Thank you, Sodia. I'm sure my father would agree with you."

Sodia whipped around to face Flynn again, her cheeks darkening just a smidge at the warm smile he flashed her. She quickly grew flustered.

"Y-You're welcome, sir."

"Oh? It's the annoying cat from earlier," Yuri said as he approached the duo once again, a snicker on his face.

"Who are you calling a cat?" Sodia snapped, narrowing her eyes at him in an icy death glare.

"Yuri, quit antagonizing my captain," Flynn chastised, sighing. "Speaking of captains…. How is…?"

"Captain Fedrok is fine. There were several bouquets of flowers, so I'm assuming the others already stopped by and paid their respects. Repede also said hi to his dad, didn't ya, Repede?"

Repede barked once, and Sodia could have sworn he just agreed with his master. But…but that was impossible, right? Best not to question it she decided.

"Well, shall we call it a day? I believe all the graves are properly adorned now, and we already paid our respects. How about you, Flynn? Did your old man have anything to say?" Yuri asked, glancing between Flynn and Sodia.

Flynn half-turned toward the tombstone once more and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, he did. He said he's proud of me."

"Well, that's that then. Now maybe you'll start to recognize how great a man he was," Yuri retorted.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Yuri," Flynn rebutted as Yuri spun his friend around and pushed him toward the entrance of the cemetery, Repede following closely behind.

It stunned her to see the two talk like they did. The Commandant really was more relaxed when he was with Yuri. She supposed that's just how deep their bonds of friendship went and wondered if someday…someday she, too, would be able to interact with that side of the Commandant. She looked down at the tombstone again and felt compelled to solute the man who sacrificed so much for the Commandant. So she saluted him. The trio stopped at the gate, turned to look back at her just when she thought they'd forgotten about her.

"Sodia? Are you coming?" Flynn asked, casting her an inviting smile.

"Y-Yes sir!" she stammered, breaking her salute and following them out of the cemetery.

As they returned the way they came, Yuri talked with Flynn some more while Sodia listened to the conversation impassively. The sun had nearly set by now, and she knew Witcher would chew her out once she got back to the castle. She felt guilty for asking him to look out for her and for prying into her Commandant's past when it really was none of her business.

"Sodia?"

The Commandant's voice snapped her from her thoughts. "Sir?"

"I asked if you'd like to join us next year. We could use more hands in placing flowers down for the fallen."

What? Sodia looked from Flynn's intense stare to Yuri, who didn't seem to care either way. Would it really be alright?

"If you don't want to, it's not a requirement," Flynn added after realizing that the way he asked the question could have been taken as an order.

Sodia shook her head. "No, Commandant. I-I'm grateful you asked, and I'd like to join you if it's alright."

"It is," Flynn confirmed with a smile. A few more minutes passed in silence before he said, "By the way, weren't you supposed to be on patrol duty today, captain?"

Sodia flinched and lowered her head, not realizing that Flynn was only kidding with her. She knew she shouldn't have revealed herself….

"M-My apologies, sir. I'm willing to accept any punishment befitting of my crime."

"I believe the only punishment for stalkers who neglect their duty is…" Yuri cut in, pausing for dramatic effect, "…life in the brig."

"Then you must be headed to the gallows, Yuri Lowell," both Sodia and Flynn said at the same time, which had the added effect of freaking Yuri out.

"For disruption of the Empire," Flynn added.

"And for threatening the Commandant while he was a captain," Sodia also added.

"Hey now…" Yuri mumbled. "Whose side are you on, Flynn?" Repede barked and sent his master a side glance. "What? Not you, too, Repede!"

"Face it, Yuri Lowell, you're caught this time with nowhere to run," Sodia said.

"Fine, put me in jail. I'll just break out again," Yuri grumbled.

"Not if I have Sodia guard you as punishment," Flynn countered.

"You wouldn't…" Yuri said, though his voice seemed unsure.

"Oh, but I would," Flynn said, smiling in triumph.

Sodia sighed. It looked like tonight was going to be a long night.


End file.
